Authenticity is not a strategy or a tactic
It’s the one thing that can’t be replaced.
Authenticity is a non-negotiable for relationship-led business owners. It’s the keystone of success.
Unlike strategies and tactics that can be replaced – authenticity is the one thing that can’t.
And that’s a beautiful thing.
Authenticity is resonant
I heard a prominent online marketer proclaim recently that “authenticity” is no longer an effective way to differentiate in business.
I firmly disagree.
Saying you’re authentic? That’s done. No one believes it anymore because it’s been over-used by marketers who removed the integrity from it when what they advertised turned out to be anything but authentic.
Being authentic? In painfully short supply. The online world of bot-created content, deepfakes, and millions of online personalities competing for a few seconds of attention has left a vacuum in its wake of people craving something and someone real to connect with.
Actually showing up authentically gives off an energy that can’t be replicated. It can’t be faked or manufactured.
Your version of authentic is unique to you.
It’s what attracts people who share your values, experiences, desires, and interests.
Your tribe. The people who naturally gravitate to you, who appreciate you, and who trust you to help you to them.
I believe strongly that our businesses are outward reflections of who we are on the inside.
If what you’re projecting is a masked or performative version of yourself – any relationships you build from that place will be relationships between the other person and something constructed.
There’s no room for depth, no room to expand, no foundation for trust because it’s built on something that’s not real.
Authenticity, as a way of being, is what opens the door for trust and trust is the foundation of relationships that transcend transactions.
Authenticity is memorable
I had a client track me down after seventeen years to ask to work with me again.
That’s not a humble brag – it’s embarrassing I had made it so hard for her to find me again.
Keeping in touch after we worked together the first time wasn’t on my radar. I was being told I should be working to find the next client, not investing in someone who wouldn’t need my help again for years. It was well before I figured out that nurturing relationships was the way I wanted to approach my business.
I completely lost touch with her.
Seventeen years later I had left where I was working when she was my client the first time, and opened my own business. New brand, new email address, new phone number.
In a market saturated by hundreds of alternatives at her fingertips, she chose to do the work to find me (and I hadn’t made it easy) because she had appreciated how she felt working with me the first time.
I first met her when she was moving through a particularly difficult transition in her life. It was heavy, scary, uncertain, infused with loss but also potential and she was stepping into a new chapter.
When I asked what motivated her to find me, she said I had made her feel validated, I’d held her situation in safety without judgement, and I had allowed space for her to be going through what she was while we were working together without asking her to separate the two or compartmentalize it.
What had stuck with her for seventeen years wasn’t the quality of my work, it was the memory of how she felt during the process.
There is strength in authenticity
When we stop trying to be what we think others want us to be, and get in touch with who we are, we start to see ourselves and our value differently.
We’re able to set boundaries around what we’re willing to do, where we’re willing to compromise, and what we’re worth.
We also get to claim our non-negotiables. Things we’re not willing to do and behaviors we’re not willing to put up with because they don’t feel right or they require us to give up too much of ourselves.
This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I’ve said yes so many times when my gut was screaming not to. I know how bad it feels and how it sticks with me – to be the reason I feel “less than”.
In the last ten years I’ve turned down the opportunity to work with plenty of clients who wanted steep discounts, felt entitled to ask for twice the work for half the price, didn’t respect my personal boundaries, communicated poorly, saw me as a commodity, or for whom a simple “thank you” would never be on their radar.
Have I missed out on that income? Absolutely – hundreds of thousands of dollars in income.
And it’s the best money I’ve invested back into my business and my life.
Because for me, saying yes to those people would have meant giving up part of myself for a paycheck.
And how I feel about myself is no longer for sale.
Every time I’ve complained about a difficult client I’ve found that the person I was truly upset with was myself – for compromising what’s important to me – my time, my family, my other clients – just to keep someone with imbalanced expectations happy.
What I get in return for staying true to myself is peace. I have room to work with people I resonate and connect with. I have the freedom to do work that brings me joy and makes a meaningful difference for people who appreciate it.
There will always be someone out there who is willing to do what you won’t – that’s okay because competing with them is a race where winning is actually losing.
It’s the trap that leads to a business full of clients who don’t respect you, work you don’t enjoy doing, and a lack of fulfillment and motivation.
It took me a long time to stop trying to be everything to everyone. Now it’s the single most important value I hold in my business.
Claiming your authenticity is claiming your humanity
It says “I may be providing a service but I’m more than just a business – I’m also a person.”
You deserve to be seen as a person – to be appreciated for who you are and the unique things you bring to the world and the people around you beyond your expertise and the work you do.
And people deserve to receive the gift of you – all the good, the messy, the still growing, the healed and still vulnerable, the smart, the funny, the passionate, the silly, and the quirky parts that make up each of us.
What makes you different is what makes you special to your clients.
Owning what makes you different – owning your authenticity – is what resonates deeply with them.